I have a confession. I've been suffering with my mental health. 7 little words, innocuous on their own but together frightening, shameful even. Anxiety appears to be the new buzzword, it seems mentioned more than depression perhaps the two go hand in hand, perhaps a new distinction has been made but either way... I have been suffering with anxiety. At its peak it was significantly debilitating. I can remember cramming myself into the corner of my mother's bedroom gripping a pillow and crying. I am twenty nine years old. I nearly fainted is Costa Coffee because I'd forced myself to do something 'normal' on my own. I cried in the car on the way home. (Well tried too.) I found situations like family meals or gatherings terrifying! I would paste a smile on but get a stomach ache because I felt so uncomfortable. And that's a big problem, outwardly I looked fine. (Except perhaps on the days I couldn't bring myself to get dressed or even shower) Feeling anxious is bad enough but feeling you have to justify not working to people adds to the feeling. I have always sought approval from people around me, and despite the fact I shouldn't I can't help but care what others think of me. This is not a helpful way to be when suffering from anxiety (or at all, but at 29 I doubt I can Change). This snippet does have a happy ending, at present I feel well. I feel free even! I have quit my job as a teacher and am now at a bit of a crossroads. It's both scary and liberating I am at the very beginning of a journey into the unknown. I want to share this with you, and a little bit of myself too, who know, could be the best form of therapy!
xXx
